Have you ever found yourself always being the one who listens, supports, and gives—but when you need someone to lean on, the room suddenly feels empty? You’re not alone. Many people fall into the pattern of giving endlessly without receiving the care and support they deserve in return.
What is compulsive giving?
Compulsive giving often stems from a deep desire for connection and approval. Maybe you grew up believing that love had to be earned through selflessness. Or perhaps you’ve taken on the role of the "strong one," always there for everyone else, even when you’re running on empty. Sometimes, it’s people-pleasing in disguise. You say yes to everything, hoping to avoid conflict or to be seen as dependable. But over time, this pattern leaves you depleted and overlooked.
What happens when giving is one-sided?
When you constantly give without receiving, it chips away at your well-being. You might start to feel:
- Resentful: Wondering why no one shows up for you the way you do for them.
- Exhausted: Mentally and emotionally drained from carrying everyone else’s burdens.
- Invisible: Feeling like your needs don’t matter because no one seems to notice them.
How to build healthier and more equal relationships?
It starts with recognising that your needs are just as important as everyone else's.
- Practice Setting Boundaries: Start small. For example, if a friend constantly calls to vent but never asks how you’re doing, try saying, "I care about you, but I’m feeling really drained today. Can we talk about something lighter?"
- Communicate Your Needs: Don’t assume others know what you need. Try sharing, "I’ve been feeling overwhelmed lately. It would mean a lot if you checked in on me."
- Notice Who Shows Up: Pay attention to who reciprocates your energy. True friends will want to be there for you too.
- Give from Overflow, Not Obligation: Imagine your energy as a cup. It’s okay to give, but not when your cup is empty. Prioritise self-care to ensure you’re giving from a place of fullness.
You deserve a balanced relationship
It's not selfish to want fairness and reciprocity in a relationship—it’s healthy. Relationships should nourish, not drain you. If you often feel like you’re pouring into others without getting anything back, it’s time to take stock. You deserve to be surrounded by people who celebrate you, support you, show up for you and have your back.
“You deserve the same care and kindness you so freely give to others.” — Selfwiser
Want to learn more about building healthier relationships? At Selfwiser, you can explore your relationship and attachment styles through one of our Wellness Assessments or discuss your relationships in confidence with 1:1 therapy - book a session here
